Flight

As promised, poem #2 rewritten... (formerly titled: "...") - click here to access the old version. :)

I dreamt of flying
and of the thrill, awe, and excitement it gives

But no, I wasn't the one with the wings
I wasn't the one gliding through the clouds
I wasn't the one flying
for I am afraid of falling

I'm terrified of jumping
I'm afraid my wings won't flap
I fear all the uncertainties around me

Do I need to jump at a specific time?
Do I need to have a certain angle?
What if my calculations aren't correct?
What if the wind I'm counting on fails me?
Will I fall into oblivion?

I may never get to fly
For I am afraid of falling
And I am terrified of jumping...

But then he came
He encouraged me to jump
And told me he'd be there to catch me

So I did.
I didn't fall.

I flew.
I am flying.
And I will keep on flying
For as long as I can...
For as long as he is here flying with me...

Rewritten with happy thoughts :)

It's been three years since I've last updated this blog... and a lot of things have happened. I intend to try rewriting some of my poems / lit files with a new flavor - one of happiness... :) First one would be an untitled one which I would be giving a title for this version (please click here to go to the old version):)

Dreams

Once I dreamt of flying high
And being able to touch the sky
Then I dreamt of corals rare
That their beauty in my eyes they'll bare

I also dreamt of flowers in bloom
Serenading me with all sorts of tunes
(I then dreamt of a snow in June
Caressing me once in a blue moon)

Then I dreamt of having you
And now it's all coming true...

Conqueror of dreams, we thank thee
For helping us see and do what needs be
And now that we finally have each other
We'll start living our own "happily-ever-after"...

Introducing Delusion :)

It is unfortunate that Delusion is not tall, dark and handsome. He is merely very tall, very dark and very handsome... but of course, this is also according to him :P

Delusion is a being with a world of his own. :) He is a man of few words... very few words... but numerous talents. I've known him for almost a decade now and I can attest to his genius :) (He can draw; He can write; He solves software and hardware problems like he's munching on some snacks! :D)... He has complete control and understanding of everything around him. For him, everything centers on him and him alone... but mind you, he isn't egotistic... just in certain aspects of his life :P

Miss Construed is a naturally sociable person. She has no problems dealing with all sorts of personalities.

Delusion fancies Miss Construed... a lot. Though he never admits it out loud, it is very eminent in how he talks about her all the time and how her every action affects him. But of course, only a few friends know this (those few friends have now probably doubled due to this post ... that is, if they realize who Delusion is :P). And Delusion, being true to his name, and loyal to his projected image, insists on the opposite...

In his world, Miss Construed is head-over-heels in love with him. She'd do anything to be near him. And now, their unexpected temporary separation is driving him nuts :D...

Delusion still can't admit (even to himself) his true feelings.. or probably, he, himself, isn't aware of it yet (fine, let's give him the benefit of the doubt:P). So he tries (stress on the word "tries") to divert his attention to other people... Miss FX, Miss Badminton, and Miss (es) ... nevermind :P (pardon the lack of creativity; I just don't know them well enough to know their names ... and since they're not Miss Construed, they only comprise around 10% (combined) of Delusion's stories :D) Stories of Delusion's interactions with them to follow (depending on how he'll react to this :P)

I've tried (unsuccessfully though) to make Delusion realize how he really feels towards Miss Construed and act before he loses the chance to do so. But he's very stubborn and he just won't listen to any other views (Yes Delusion, you are as stubborn as a mule! :P) Hopefully, those who know who Delusion is will help me convince him to take action ... fast! (or as suggested by a mutually close friend, at least before you go... *clues on Delusion's identity here!!!*) :P

So Delusion, get ready... your equally-stubborn friends will start badgering you :)

Hope - Agony - Dream ... update :D

(Disclaimer: To the Original Agony (you know who you are), no, you're not the 1st Agony I'm referring to here... neither are you the 2nd... besides, we haven't talked for quite some time now (and I know you still haven't gotten over your Dream... whether you admit it or not) :P ... but I also have other friends who, just like you, embody "Agony")

I just had another talk with Agony. He's over his Dream now and he just realized that Hope's always been there. I don't know what'll happen but I can only *hope* he'll get his new Dream. ;)

I talked to another friend and realized he's also Agony. He's blinded by his Dream... so much that he forgot about everything else around him. Now, he's slowly realizing the difference between reality and dreams... and that sometimes (okay, most of the times) we just really cannot have our Dreams... but we can still have the Hope to build new Dreams :)


Hope - Agony - Dream entry :)

Note: labo? hehehe oo malabo talaga :D

teleserye aftermath :D

Sa dami ng naghahanap ng tamang tao para sa kanila, sa dami ng naghihintay para matagpuan ang nakatadhana para sa kanila, paano kung nakita mo sya? Ano ang maaaring mag-udyok sa iyo na iwan sya?

Siya ang tamang para sa iyo. Pero paano kung hindi ikaw ang tama para sa kanya?

Siya ang nakatakda para sa iyo ngunit paano na kung hindi ikaw ang naitakda para sa kanya?

Alin ang mas tama? Ang magpatuloy sa piling ng isa't isa dahil sa sya ang tama sa iyo? O ang hayaan syang makasama ang tama para sa kanya?

Ano ang mas matimbang? Ang kaligayahan mo o ang kaligayahan nya?

Ano ang mas masakit? Ang di mo sya makasama o ang makitang hindi pa lubos ang kaligayahan nya?


La lang... narinig ko ung linya (paraphrase lang nung unang part) sa isang teleserye kagabi... napag-isip tuloy ako... :D Di ko na maalala kung anong teleserye e.. palipat-lipat kasi :D

more questions...

If one has been waiting for quite a while and yet nothing happened, should she let go or keep on waiting?

How can one wait for someone or something she's not even sure will come? Why should she?

How can one keep on handing her life over to fate when she has already let it rule over it for some time and nothing came out of it?

How much disappointments can a person take?

How do you fix something when you don't have all the pieces needed?

How can one give her heart to someone who might not even take it?

How long can one hide behind a smile?

Hide and Seek

I'm good in hiding...

I'm sad but you won't notice it unless I tell you. I'm hurting but you won't know if I don't want you to.

I'm good in hiding but I simply suck at finding...

I can't read your meanings unless you state it directly. I can't understand your actions if you don't tell me explicitly.

I suck at finding... which is probably why I still haven't found you.

I'm good in hiding... Maybe that's why you still haven't found me too...

question

a friend asked me if like, love, and inspiration always go hand in hand. when you like / love someone, does he have to inspire you? and if you don't get inspired with that someone, does that mean you don't like / love him? (i know that if someone inspires you, it does not equal to you actually liking / loving that person :D i can say that a certain person's success inspired me to do something about my own life... it doesn't necessarily mean i love that person... he / she may just be some random individual i happen to look up to... i might not even know him / her personally :P)

it made me think ... and think... but i still can't figure it out. :P

any ideas? heheheh...

fade

You have loved him/her for so long, dreamt of things that could have been. But you've accepted that that's all they're going to be: dreams, a part of your make-believe world - a far cry from reality. You want to stop. But how?

How do you make IT fade? How do you tell yourself to stop when everything you do reminds you of him/her? How will you find someone else when you compare everyone to him/her? (when in fact, you know you shouldn't... s/he's not that great of a person anyway... s/he didn't see your worth :P) And for some weird reason, for you, they just don't seem to measure up...

How will you find your Wind when you're still clinging to Tree?

(*Wind and Tree were taken from an email sent to me before... I believe the title is something like "Love in 3 Perspectives" Tree, Leaf, Wind... don't know the writer though...)

complicated

Why does it have to be so complicated? You know how hard it is to get hurt, yet you unwillingly inflict the same pain to others... Why do we have to ignore the ones who adore us and adore the one who ignores us?

And when you finally decide to "give up", why does it hurt so much? Why does it feel like you lost someone when in fact you never really "had" him/her?

You keep on telling yourself that someday you'll find the right one... one who'll appreciate your worth. But do "somedays" really come? What if the right one turns out to be one of those you chose to ignore? What then?

Complicated...

how?

Note: This should apply to both sexes but for the purpose of this post I'll just be using the pronouns he, his, and him. (It's too troublesome to always type he/she, his/her, him/her.) :P


How exactly do you know if someone likes you? How indeed? Should you observe him and his actions and reactions? Should you watch out for any differences in the way he treats you (compared to how he treats and acts around others)? If he "showers" you with attention (calls, texts, messages, the likes), does that mean you're special? Should you try and catch if he's stealing glances? Should you take his being chivalrous and gentlemanly as signs that he fancies you?

But what if all these things are normal to him? What if he's just being nice and by thinking he likes you, you're actually just fooling yourself? What if you're just pushing yourself further into a trap… one that is of unrequited love?

No matter what the "signs" are, one could never fully read another person's feelings. Emotions and the human heart are way, way more complex than even the most intricate books. They're simply designed to be confusing and unpredictable.

One should not make any assumptions (on just about anything) unless explicitly stated. You just don't know if you're right or wrong. And by the time you figure it out, you'd probably be too caught up in your make-believe world to face reality... or in too much of an agony in a hell you yourself built.

So, how do you tell if someone likes you? Simple... you can't.

Hope - Dream - Agony

Hope likes Agony... a lot. She's willing to do anything for him, always hoping he'll acknowledge her existence someday. He, however, disregards her all too quickly. He ignores her completely. After all, he has eyes only for Dream. She's everything he wants. For him, she's perfect... but he is to Dream as Hope is to him... nothing.

Why can't life be simple? Why can't Dream be Hope so that Agony won't be in, yes, agony? If everyone really has a choice, wouldn't it be easier if Agony just goes and chooses Hope? Wouldn't it make him happier? But alas, for him, the only way to happiness is in Dream's arms. But he couldn't have that now, could he? Because as her name states, she will only be a dream to him... someone he yearns for but could never have. He wants to let go and move on but he simply can't. He's lost without her. Without Dream, he feels empty, void. And he hates that feeling, loathes it even. However, he can't reach out to her... afraid that if he does, she'll leave his side completely, abandoning him in the darkness. And if he loses his light, he might lose any chance he has of ever getting out of the chaotic maze he submerged himself in.

Perhaps he could find his way out with Hope's help... but she's not bright enough for him. Her light is nothing compared to Dream's.

He knows she's hurting. He's the one causing her pain... the same ones Dream's mere presence caused him. He is Hope's Dream... torturing her with his every action. Yet, she still keeps on holding onto him... so he does the same... hoping that someday, she'll get him out of his misery.

For he, himself, knows the painful truth: He'll never have her because she's a dream that's way beyond Agony’s reach...

que sera sera...?

"Happiness isn’t having what you want---it’s all about wanting what you have…"
Wow. I still can’t decide if I believe this or not.

But if you want something, you can work for it and thus by achieving it, you also obtain happiness, right? So does it mean there's no limit to the happiness one can have? That it all depends on how much effort one puts into getting what he / she wants? But why is it that there are times when no matter how hard you struggle, you still don't get what you want? Is there such a thing as predetermined future? If there is, then what's the point of trying and trying? If there is such a thing as destiny, and you're destined to fail, then regardless of your hard work, you're still doomed. Why even try??? Wouldn’t it make our lives pointless?

So, now, why are there people who seem to be “destined” to be alone? And why are there people who seem to have been born with all the luxury one could ask for… all the blessings one could be given (oh, the fortunate ones…)? Who decides who gets which destiny? Isn’t there anything we can do about it? (But if you believe in destiny, there’s nothing to do but accept it, right? Because it’s the “universe’s natural order”.) But how exactly do we know which of the things happening to us are destined to occur? How the heck would we know if we’re actually going against what’s predetermined for us?

Hmmm… Do I believe in destiny? I still don't know... I let it rule over my life for a long time… nothing happened. And I’m too much of a coward to try and go against it (that is, if I’m not actually destined to not do anything about it…).

Confusing! :)

happily-ever-afters

“And they lived happily ever after… The End.” Almost all fairytales end that way. After the hero or heroine (most of the time the latter) suffers, then comes his / her rewards… They usually come in the form of a prince for a husband (or a princess for Aladdin’s case), a kingdom to rule on and probably everything and anything he / she could wish for. But does it really end there?

Did the prince really love Sleeping Beauty considering she may be a century older than him (she’s probably older than his great grandmother! It may not show but still…)? Wouldn’t their beliefs clash (It’s been a hundred years… a lot must have changed)? How about Snow White? Would any sane girl willingly spend the rest of her life with a necrophile? He’d probably try and get her to eat another one of those blasted apples for all she knows… And Cinderella? Someone like her must have developed an obsessive compulsive nature and she just moved to a place probably ten (or more) times bigger… a palace! And how about her animal friends? Would they really be allowed inside?

Most of us have grown up watching Disney films and loving every character…wishing that someday we’ll have the same fates… (Of course we’re talking about the heroes and heroines who had their happily-ever-afters. Who’d want to end up like Malificent or the Evil Stepmother anyway?) But are they even close to what’s happening in real life? Or are we just fooling ourselves with the belief that everyone has a happy ending waiting for them? Say you found someone to spend the rest of your life with. Does it really end with the “I do”s? Of course not. Will everyone get a happy-ending? Probably not… Well, it depends on what you consider as “The End”.

fairytales

found one of my old files... written last nov 2006... here's an abridged version of it.

I’ve always loved fairytales… As a child, I even asked Santa for a book filled with fairytales… and I got it :) The notion of a prince coming to a girl’s rescue or of love conquering all obstacles just appeal to me… Or maybe that should be “appealed”… Yes, I am past that disillusioned state. Somewhere along my teenage years, I’ve gone from the girl going giddy over a silly tale to the very cynical person I am now. I always loved love stories… I still do. But now, I finally understand that those things, the knight-rescues-damsel-in-distress stuff and those happily ever afters, they don’t really happen in real life… at least not to me… They make good plots for books, stories, movies, but not in my world, not in my life…

I’m no princess… I know that. I’ve long ago given up the idea that a Prince Charming will come my way and instead resigned myself to the fate of being alone. You can’t blame me. I have waited long enough. Sure, the other fairytale princesses didn’t get to meet their princes right from the start… but that’s just it. They ARE princesses. I simply am not. It’s harder to wait for something, to hope or dream for someone when you know for a fact that there’s a very big chance he won’t come… Sure, Rapunzel waited long enough for her hair to grow that long and Sleeping Beauty waited a hundred years. But Rapunzel was stuck in a tower. She didn’t have an inkling of what was happening in the outer world. She didn’t get tormented with seeing the man she’s pining for chase another girl nor did she had the chance to attend a party and feel totally left-out. She didn’t have friends who constantly remind her of her loneliness (they may not really mean it… they might not even be aware of it). And Sleeping Beauty? Well, she was SLEEPING through the years of waiting!!! And the moment she woke up, there he was… already waiting for her! How convenient is that?!? And what about me? My prince probably got stuck in a labyrinth… doomed never to find his way out. Or worse, he could have found some other princess while he was on his quest to find me and he decided to go and have his ‘happily-ever-after’ with her… But no matter what I say, it still boils down to the question: Have I really accepted a life alone? Or am I just saying it to try and convince myself? I don’t know… I won’t be waiting for my prince to come knocking on my door… but I’ll still keep my half of the glass slipper just in case he did get to my part of the town and still has his half waiting for mine…

hmmm... ? or ?

given the choice, who will you go for (if you can't have both)? the one you love or the one who loves you? most of my friends answered the former. call me selfish, but as of this very moment, i think i'd go for the latter. don't get me wrong... if i can have both, then by all means... :) but maybe i just got tired of waiting for the one i love that i'd now probably opt for the one who loves me ...