10th floor

I had a weird dream last night. I was scaling a 10-storey building. Yes, scaling... I know I could have just used the elevator, or even the stairs... but for some reason, I chose to scale the building. So, there I was, trying to climb to the 10th floor.

The first steps were very difficult. I kept on falling. But soon, I got the feel of it and later on, I felt myself moving up. I was on the 7th floor when realization hit me. It seemed to me that no matter how much more I climb, the distance between me and the 10th floor doesn't seem to change. I still remain to be in the 7th floor. I was faced with two choices. Should I give up, let go and just hope that after my fall from the 7th floor, I'd somehow manage to survive? I will surely get hurt - a lot - but there's still a chance of survival. Or should I keep on climbing and hope against hope that I can somehow close the distance between me and the top floor? Wouldn’t that be akin to blindly reaching for something? And what if I exhaust myself before I succeed in closing the gap? I will fall and completely break myself... by then, would I even have the energy to pick myself up?

I woke up before I got to deciding between the two. Somehow, I understand the dream now... but I still don't know which choice to take.

What crossed my mind were even more questions: why did I decide to scale that building? Well, given I really wanted to scale, why, oh why, did I pick that building to scale? Why didn't I opt for something lower to start with? Or why didn't I just choose a building whose top floor doesn't move away?!?

...

I dreamt of flying

and of the thrill, awe, and excitement it gives

But no, I wasn't the one with the wings

I wasn't the one gliding through the clouds

I wasn't the one flying

for I am afraid of falling

I'm terrified of jumping

I'm afraid my wings won't flap

I fear all the uncertainties around me

Do I need to jump at a specific time?

Do I need to have a certain angle?

What if my calculations aren't correct?

What if the wind I'm counting on fails me?

Will I fall into oblivion?

I may never get to fly

For I am afraid of falling

And I am terrified of jumping

Lesson from the White Queen :)

wishful thinkings

helpless beings

an imaginary world in

the actuality that is reality

almost but not quite

real but imagined

everything and nothing

yearnings

options

understandings

what could have beens

and what ifs

in a blink of an eye

things could change

in a blink of an eye

nothing can be everything and everything can be nothing

gather up the courage to dive

for implicit statements may tell something... but not exactly everything

open to the possibility of the impossible

red... orange... green

what are you waiting for?

P.S. Started out with one line.. e ayaw umalis sa utak ko nun line, ayan hahahaha!!! :))

Introducing Delusion :)

It is unfortunate that Delusion is not tall, dark and handsome. He is merely very tall, very dark and very handsome... but of course, this is also according to him :P

Delusion is a being with a world of his own. :) He is a man of few words... very few words... but numerous talents. I've known him for almost a decade now and I can attest to his genius :) (He can draw; He can write; He solves software and hardware problems like he's munching on some snacks! :D)... He has complete control and understanding of everything around him. For him, everything centers on him and him alone... but mind you, he isn't egotistic... just in certain aspects of his life :P

Miss Construed is a naturally sociable person. She has no problems dealing with all sorts of personalities.

Delusion fancies Miss Construed... a lot. Though he never admits it out loud, it is very eminent in how he talks about her all the time and how her every action affects him. But of course, only a few friends know this (those few friends have now probably doubled due to this post ... that is, if they realize who Delusion is :P). And Delusion, being true to his name, and loyal to his projected image, insists on the opposite...

In his world, Miss Construed is head-over-heels in love with him. She'd do anything to be near him. And now, their unexpected temporary separation is driving him nuts :D...

Delusion still can't admit (even to himself) his true feelings.. or probably, he, himself, isn't aware of it yet (fine, let's give him the benefit of the doubt:P). So he tries (stress on the word "tries") to divert his attention to other people... Miss FX, Miss Badminton, and Miss (es) ... nevermind :P (pardon the lack of creativity; I just don't know them well enough to know their names ... and since they're not Miss Construed, they only comprise around 10% (combined) of Delusion's stories :D) Stories of Delusion's interactions with them to follow (depending on how he'll react to this :P)

I've tried (unsuccessfully though) to make Delusion realize how he really feels towards Miss Construed and act before he loses the chance to do so. But he's very stubborn and he just won't listen to any other views (Yes Delusion, you are as stubborn as a mule! :P) Hopefully, those who know who Delusion is will help me convince him to take action ... fast! (or as suggested by a mutually close friend, at least before you go... *clues on Delusion's identity here!!!*) :P

So Delusion, get ready... your equally-stubborn friends will start badgering you :)

Hope - Agony - Dream ... 3?

Disclaimer: For the purpose of making this easier to write and read, I'll have Hope and Dream take on female personas and Agony take on a male one. :)

I used to really hate Dream (ok, hate is such a strong word... maybe dislike?). In my eyes, Dream has it easy. She may have her own Agony (where she could be Hope) who's also going for his own Dream... but still, Dream has another Agony waiting for her. Hope, on the other hand, is waiting for Agony but it's uncertain if she is someone else's Dream.

Dream could always opt to go with Agony. Hope may be shattered at first, but at least she won't have to wait and hold onto nothing if there really is nothing. She could start getting on with her life.

Or, Dream could straight out say No to Agony and let him move on with his life. Maybe then, he'd start noticing Hope.

Dream has a choice. So, Dream generally has it easier.

Now, after being amidst certain ... things? ... I understand her more. I understand that there really are times when there's nothing that can be done except smile, do nothing, and just let everything around you unfold. There are times when Dream just can't do anything. All she can do is ignore everything and continue living her own life, her own way. She may hurt Agony but that's part of it.

the beauty (and horrors :D) of one-sided love affairs...hahaha :D

bora hangover :D

I wanna go back (we all do :D) ... hehehe...

I've had a lot of fun and met new friends at the same time. Hopefully, we get to have a second (and third, fourth, etc.) trip :)

Tama nga si Roxy, travelling like this is addicting... Rox, kelan next hop? :)

Island hoppers, pics ha? :)

Note: pics to follow ... probably in my multiply site :)

kung me shakes na ganun lang sana dito... hehehe...

Hope - Agony - Dream ... update :D

(Disclaimer: To the Original Agony (you know who you are), no, you're not the 1st Agony I'm referring to here... neither are you the 2nd... besides, we haven't talked for quite some time now (and I know you still haven't gotten over your Dream... whether you admit it or not) :P ... but I also have other friends who, just like you, embody "Agony")

I just had another talk with Agony. He's over his Dream now and he just realized that Hope's always been there. I don't know what'll happen but I can only *hope* he'll get his new Dream. ;)

I talked to another friend and realized he's also Agony. He's blinded by his Dream... so much that he forgot about everything else around him. Now, he's slowly realizing the difference between reality and dreams... and that sometimes (okay, most of the times) we just really cannot have our Dreams... but we can still have the Hope to build new Dreams :)


Hope - Agony - Dream entry :)

Note: labo? hehehe oo malabo talaga :D

calling all lourdesians :)

We went to Pangasinan for 2 main reasons: 1) to attend Tita Elsie's birthday celebration and 2) to visit the Hundred Islands :)

Unfortunately, due to some risks involved (car had to be left somewhere overnight), we had to forego the plan of visiting said islands... we went to Covelandia Family Resort. The place was nice. (more on this in another entry)...

During Tita Elsie's birthday party however, we met lots of people, the most unforgettable being Fr. Bok. He's a parish priest of the Our Lady of Lourdes Parish in Salasa, Bugallon, Pangasinan. According to the signs in the church, it was founded in 1714 (could possibly be one of the oldest churches in the country) and is considered a National Shrine. However, I don't know if it's just me, but I've always tagged the phrase "National Shrine" with grandiose architecture and well-maintained interiors. This was not the case with the church we visited. The architecture is good but old age (and most possibly poor maintenance) probably took toll on the building. It still held traces of its former grandeur but it's a very far cry from the shrines here in Manila (some chapels here might even be better off than this). As per Fr. Bok, he and Tito Bob (Tita Elsie's husband... one of Papa's best friends) have been slowly restructuring the shrine. They've dug through the floorings and found antique tiles. (Former priests must have chosen to place new tiles on top of the old ones instead of removing them and then replacing with new ones.) They're prioritizing the church itself, unlike others (I choose not to name any) who opt to start off lavishing the priest's chambers, thus depleting the resources even before actual work on the church begins.

Fr. Bok told us he had lots of plans for the church and its parishioners. However, due to extreme lack of funds (they are situated in a place where people mostly rely on the church for their needs - and this is where most of their funds go to), they could not afford to actuate everything they have in mind...

I'd like to help and in my simple way, I'd try to... and I'd also like to call on people especially the Lourdesians (my sister is one and I believe she's already tried to inform her classmates) to help them in any way they can. A small thing to us may mean the world to them :)

View pics of the church here

feb14.txt

yet another product of boredom... i know this is way way overdue... just had enough idle time to browse my misc folder and found feb14.txt :) hehehe...

from a friend's chatlogs (can't use friend's name... as per friend's request... sana maalala nya pa na sya nagsbai nyan hehe :P) :

friend: oh.. i dunno
friend: isa akong bato ngayon eh
friend: or puno
friend: walang pakiramdam
friend: sumasabay lang sa ihip ng hangin
friend: kuntento na sa onting dilig at sikat ng araw
friend: actually pwede mo na gawan ng tula yan

so pano ba itutuloy? hmm...

isa akong bato ngayon
o puno
walang pakiramdam
sumasabay lang sa ihip ng hangin
kuntento na sa konting dilig at sikat ng araw
walang iniindang sakit o dalamhati
di alintana ang lamig o init
nagmamatyag
at walang imik
nakikiramdam
kahit manhid
tuloy lang sa pagmamasid
sa paghihintay
di kikibo
di gagalaw
tuloy lang...

1

Isang tanong na nagwakas sa simula...
Tuloy?
Isang sagot na nagsimula sa wakas...
Oo.

Bakit?
Kasi...
Bakit?
Ganun.
Bakit?
Basta...

Isa-isa
Pira-piraso
Unti-unti
Umaalis
Nawawala
Sila.
Kayo.
Ako.

mi soliloquio

"Smile and the world smiles with you; weep and you weep alone..."

Someone once told me this, and it has stuck to me since...

But sometimes, smiling just won't do any good...

Stop hiding. Cry your eyes out if you need to...

Drop the act and let go. Give up your mask for even just a second...

Then after that, you can try smiling once again...

:)

reminiscing azeus ot dinners :D

Just got home from a gt with erika and aimee (sa uulitin! :D).... and during the talk me naalala ko... hehehe... ayun humagalpak uli kami sa tawa.... tatay jo, kung mabasa mo to peace tayo ha? hehe... ikaw mag-aayos ng reunion di ba? :D

okay so on one of those (many) nights na nag OT kami sa Azeus noon, we ordered some dinner from a resto (forgot kung saan e...) and jo was the one who ordered for us (Jojo Ty po ang name nya :D). The conversation wen something like:

Girl: Ano pong name sir?
Jojo: Jojo Ty
Girl: Jojo Dy?
Jojo: Ty
Girl: Ano po un last name?
Jojo: Ty
Girl: Spelling po?
Jojo: T-Y
Girl: Ok po. Pawait na lang po.

After more than an hour of waiting we decided to follow-up. They said it was already delivered and should have arrived already. We then went out to check and found a delivery guy telling the person at the reception that the address stated matched our office. But the person said that there's no such person in the office. Since it was from the same resto we ordered our dinner from, we checked... hoping it was for us. Lo and behold, the name on the receipt was:

"Jojo Tiway"

hehehehe...

Peace tayo tay jo ha! Lilibre mo pa kami sa april! :D

teleserye aftermath :D

Sa dami ng naghahanap ng tamang tao para sa kanila, sa dami ng naghihintay para matagpuan ang nakatadhana para sa kanila, paano kung nakita mo sya? Ano ang maaaring mag-udyok sa iyo na iwan sya?

Siya ang tamang para sa iyo. Pero paano kung hindi ikaw ang tama para sa kanya?

Siya ang nakatakda para sa iyo ngunit paano na kung hindi ikaw ang naitakda para sa kanya?

Alin ang mas tama? Ang magpatuloy sa piling ng isa't isa dahil sa sya ang tama sa iyo? O ang hayaan syang makasama ang tama para sa kanya?

Ano ang mas matimbang? Ang kaligayahan mo o ang kaligayahan nya?

Ano ang mas masakit? Ang di mo sya makasama o ang makitang hindi pa lubos ang kaligayahan nya?


La lang... narinig ko ung linya (paraphrase lang nung unang part) sa isang teleserye kagabi... napag-isip tuloy ako... :D Di ko na maalala kung anong teleserye e.. palipat-lipat kasi :D

thadde valentine dinner 2008 :)

thadde!!! thanks thanks kagabi! :D i had a great time :) sa uulitin :) (buti na lang may taxi na pumayag! hehehe)

when it comes to candid shots, dyosa, parang lahat andun ka ah! :D hehehe...

je, thanks for the pics! i'll try to upload mine later :) (mar, ikaw din ha! :D)

sino punta sa sunday? promise, try ko... will inform you tom :)

thadde @ gerry's grill (trinoma) feb. 14, 2008

of stress, ennui and daydreams...

after weeks of unending pressure and non-stop work, i am left with nearly nothing to do (at least for the day - bukas nakaqueue na silang lahat...)

boredom + lack of sleep = unproductive kaye :)

so, to appease my restless mind (haha!), I, with the help of my very cooperative teammates ;) "researched" on the possible gimmicks we could have :) ... from paintball to karting to boracay getaway :D the possibilities!!! sana lang me matuloy!!! (un bora nga pala tuloy na .. daw :D - sama kayo? heheheh ... friends meet other friends ito :D)

hay... ang nagagawa ng walang magawa :D

Three Nights

bakit ba kasi kailangan pang tawirin ang linyang yan? di ba pwedeng mamalagi na lang sa bahagi kong ito ng mundo?

at sino bang nagsabing madali lang makarating sa kabila? mapapalad ang mga nagkaroon ng pagkakataong makatawid... di gaya ko... wala akong lakas ng loob na suungin ang mga harang... di ko kayang humakbang papalapit nang walang pag-aalinlangan...

ilang linya ang kailangang tawirin para makamtan ang diumano'y "minimithing kaligayahan" - yung tinatawag nilang tagumpay? di ba maaaring dito na lang ako? hindi raw... di daw matatapos hangga't di ako tumatawid... o sumusubok man lang...

ang hirap... may tumulak man sa akin at giyahan ako papalapit sa linya, wala pa ring kasiguruhang hindi ako maiipit ng harang...

ayun na! may tumulak na nga! napasadsad ako palapit sa linya... iwas, iwas, takbo!

taya!

sabi ko na, sa huli ako pa rin ang talo...




Note: hango po ito sa text message na:
"It's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at it for the rest of your life... rules of patintero"

Three Nights is the English term for Patintero according to this site:
http://www.seasite.niu.edu./Tagalog/Filipino_Games/mga_larong_pilipino.htm


ahehehe :)

LSS 2 (and 3) :)

Teanuts!!! kasalanan mo ito!!! :D hehehe... Salamat sa mp3s... meron ka lyrics nung Dumaan Ako? di ko mahanap e... :)


Sa Pagitan ng Ngayon at Kailanman
by Gary Granada

Sabi nga..
Sana ang buhay laging tama o mali
At ang katanunga’y simpleng oo o hindi
Kung ganun dalangin kong ikaw ay mamalagi
Sa pinakatangi mong pinakamimithi

Ngunit paano kung ang hinahanap mong ligaya
Ay nagkataong nalaman mong naroon pala
Sa magkabilang mundong magsinghalaga sa iyo
Paano ba mananatiling totoo

Ang galak at dalamhati ay paano hahatiin
At paano ka pipili kung wala kang pipiliin
Ano ang gagawin ng pusong di mapagbigyan
Ang magkatunggaling pangako at pakiramdam
May isang paruparong paroroo’t paririyan
Sa pagitan ng ngayon at kailanman

Paano ka magpapasya, paano mo mapagkasya
Paano ba mapag-isa ang isa’t isa

Kung isang araw magtalo ang panata’t panaginip
At ang iisa mong puso minsan ay magdal’wang-isip
Sa kalagitnaan ng pag-asa’t pag-asam
Sa dulo’t bungad ng pinagtagpo’t natagpuan
Ibig kong alamin kung ang pag-ibig may puwang
Sa pagitan ng ngayon at kailanman

Ano ang sukatan, alin nga ba ang mas mabigat
Sa isang sugatan, ang tunay ba o ang nararapat

Kung isang araw maghalo..
Ano ang gagawin ng puso kong nahihibang
Na nalilibang, na nagigibang naninimbang
Sa pagitan ng ngayon at kailanman

merienda buffet!

Remedy Team @ Dad's Saisaki Kamayan

with Roxy.. sarap food! :D

Last Wednesday, 23 January 2008, our team went to Dad's Saisaki Kamayan in Glorietta for a merienda buffet... Sobrang sulit! (P157.00 per head - with bottomless drinks - of which I had around 5 glasses of iced tea - 10+1 pa :D) :) hehehe... Their puto-bumbong was superb! The bibingka and other food were also okay :) I ate a lot... I think it could be around 2-3 days of my normal consumption :P heheheh... I ate so much I didn't feel well the next day... napilitan tuloy mag SL! (vince bad ka talaga! kailangan ba iannounce sa india kung bakit ako SL? hehehe)... I ruined my own diet.. owel... may 4 months pa naman before bora e! kaya yan! hehehe...

Sana maulit!!! GL8, Thadde, HP / Azeus pips, tayo rin? hehehe

Ella, thanks for the pics! :D

LSS

just heard it again in the radio this morning.. na LSS ako :D hehehe...

Sundo
by Imago

I.
Kay tagal kong sinusuyod ang buong mundo
Para hanapin, para hanapin ka
Nilibot ang distrito ng iyong lumbay
Pupulutin, pupulutin ka

Rerfrain:
Sinusundo kita,
Sinusundo

Chorus:
Asahan mong mula ngayon pag-ibig ko’y sayo
Asahan mong mula ngayon pag-ibig ko’y sayo

II.
Sa akin mo isabit ang pangarap mo
Di kukulangin ang ibibigay
Isuko ang kaba tuluyan kang bumitaw
Ika’y manalig
Manalig ka..

Refrain:
Sinusundo kita
Sinusundo

Chorus:
Asahan mong mula ngayon pag-ibig ko’y sayo
Asahan mong mula ngayon pag-ibig ko’y sayo

Handa na sa liwanag mo
Sinuyod ang buong mundo
Maghihintay sayo’ng sundo

:D

more questions...

If one has been waiting for quite a while and yet nothing happened, should she let go or keep on waiting?

How can one wait for someone or something she's not even sure will come? Why should she?

How can one keep on handing her life over to fate when she has already let it rule over it for some time and nothing came out of it?

How much disappointments can a person take?

How do you fix something when you don't have all the pieces needed?

How can one give her heart to someone who might not even take it?

How long can one hide behind a smile?

Congratulations!!!

Here's another sign that we are indeed getting older :D... yet another friend announced her engagement :)... Congrats lene!!!

I'd like to take this chance to congratulate those who got married / engaged before :D

Glennda - congrats uli! Baby Thimo is so cute! Take care of yourself there! :) We miss you!!!
Ria - congratulations as well!!! Saw pics from Tal's phone... Hope to see you soon! :)
Khatt - Congrats!!! (haha, gasgas na un word ... ) Magleleave na ko sa date na yun!!! Promise!!!

To all of you, best wishes and God bless!!! :)

Salamat.. :)

Just wanted to say thanks to all the people who endure my rants and bitterness :)... Salamat sa advices. Salamat sa mga kwento. Salamat sa pakikinig :) It means a lot :)

(Erika, Aimee, Kitkat, Roxy, Madel, Alwin, Ma, Pa, Kai, Kim... salamat po!!! :D )

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year everyone!!!

Hopefully, 2008 will be as good as, if not better than, 2007!!! I'm already looking forward to some planned gimmicks :) hehehe...

Happy 2008 again!

Back to work... :)