more questions...

If one has been waiting for quite a while and yet nothing happened, should she let go or keep on waiting?

How can one wait for someone or something she's not even sure will come? Why should she?

How can one keep on handing her life over to fate when she has already let it rule over it for some time and nothing came out of it?

How much disappointments can a person take?

How do you fix something when you don't have all the pieces needed?

How can one give her heart to someone who might not even take it?

How long can one hide behind a smile?

Am I Lonely?

A friend told me that lately, I seem to be emitting a weird aura... as if something changed and no one can actually pinpoint what it is. He told me that I seem to be lonelier and more "subdued" (I don’t know exactly what he means but he was able to conclude this thru the short ym chats we occasionally have).

It made me wonder... have I really been lonelier? I can't really tell. Anyone, please… have I been really??

I know for a fact that I haven't been excessively happy the last few days, but does it actually translate to a worsening case of loneliness? And if indeed I am sadder than usual, why? I can't seem to find the reason why I could be more depressed. Nothing of much importance has happened... (my life is boring I know) and in fact, I gained new friends :) and I have achieved some of my minor (short-term) goals in life (and still in the process of getting more :P)... shouldn't I be happier?

The comment bugged me and made me reexamine my inner feelings… yes, I feel more tired than usual (I have no idea how it could be possible since my work load has decreased incredibly – compared to what I used to do in my previous company). Has it been showing in how I express myself?

So, I asked another friend. And she told me I seem to be in a state where “things seem to be stable”. Keyword: “seem”. I suppose it’s because I want it to be considered stable so I convince myself that it is…

Oh well...

question

a friend asked me if like, love, and inspiration always go hand in hand. when you like / love someone, does he have to inspire you? and if you don't get inspired with that someone, does that mean you don't like / love him? (i know that if someone inspires you, it does not equal to you actually liking / loving that person :D i can say that a certain person's success inspired me to do something about my own life... it doesn't necessarily mean i love that person... he / she may just be some random individual i happen to look up to... i might not even know him / her personally :P)

it made me think ... and think... but i still can't figure it out. :P

any ideas? heheheh...

phone suggestions? :D

Last Saturday, we went around looking for phones. :) I did some asking around and net browsing beforehand so more or less I had an idea of the units I'm looking for. But alas, as expected the one I like the most is still not available here, and they have no idea when it will be released. :( At first I thought I could wait... but last night (and early today), my phone gave another sign that it won't last that long... I'd probably have to buy one as soon as I get my last pay from HP (sheesh it's already been 2 months!!!). So far my choices are: SE K850 (but it's still not available), SE K800 or K810, Samsung D900i, U600, U300... still looking for other units. The Samsung units are slide phones... any bad inputs on that? Erika said it isn't advisable to get one since it might have problems :( So I'm considering flip phones :D ehehehe... any suggestions?

complicated

Why does it have to be so complicated? You know how hard it is to get hurt, yet you unwillingly inflict the same pain to others... Why do we have to ignore the ones who adore us and adore the one who ignores us?

And when you finally decide to "give up", why does it hurt so much? Why does it feel like you lost someone when in fact you never really "had" him/her?

You keep on telling yourself that someday you'll find the right one... one who'll appreciate your worth. But do "somedays" really come? What if the right one turns out to be one of those you chose to ignore? What then?

Complicated...

titles?

ok.. just found my computer file of poems and my notebook of poems and essays... found out that most (if not all :P) of my works are untitled... (and i placed untitled1, untitled2,...) i'll post some here (those that aren't too personal... heheheh...) and if you have any ideas, title suggestions are most welcome :D

1)

Once I dreamt of flying high
And being able to touch the sky
Then I dreamt of corals rare
That their beauty in my eyes they'll bare

I also dreamt of flowers in bloom
Serenading me with all sorts of tunes
(I then dreamt of a snow in June
Caressing me once in a blue moon)

Then I dreamt of having you
And I knew they won't come true...

Conqueror of dreams, take over me
Spare me the misery and the agony
Of knowing my dreams will never be
For I am just another me...

2)

The audience silently applauded
as the curtains drew to a close
The spotlight slowly faded
as the actors parted ways

Go on, unmask yourself
the show is over
the masquerade has finally ended...

how?

Note: This should apply to both sexes but for the purpose of this post I'll just be using the pronouns he, his, and him. (It's too troublesome to always type he/she, his/her, him/her.) :P


How exactly do you know if someone likes you? How indeed? Should you observe him and his actions and reactions? Should you watch out for any differences in the way he treats you (compared to how he treats and acts around others)? If he "showers" you with attention (calls, texts, messages, the likes), does that mean you're special? Should you try and catch if he's stealing glances? Should you take his being chivalrous and gentlemanly as signs that he fancies you?

But what if all these things are normal to him? What if he's just being nice and by thinking he likes you, you're actually just fooling yourself? What if you're just pushing yourself further into a trap… one that is of unrequited love?

No matter what the "signs" are, one could never fully read another person's feelings. Emotions and the human heart are way, way more complex than even the most intricate books. They're simply designed to be confusing and unpredictable.

One should not make any assumptions (on just about anything) unless explicitly stated. You just don't know if you're right or wrong. And by the time you figure it out, you'd probably be too caught up in your make-believe world to face reality... or in too much of an agony in a hell you yourself built.

So, how do you tell if someone likes you? Simple... you can't.

graduate studies?

just got another friendster mail from sir lounell... he asked me why i kept on shifting from one company to another (3rd pa lang naman a :D --> mobot batchmates, applicable din daw question na ito sa inyo :D)... and told me to also consider pursuing graduate studies... it made me remember that i actually was intending to take a post-graduate degree... (mimi, game?) just haven't decided if i'd take ms ee, mba, or law. hmmm... yet another thing to think about...

hmmm... ? or ?

given the choice, who will you go for (if you can't have both)? the one you love or the one who loves you? most of my friends answered the former. call me selfish, but as of this very moment, i think i'd go for the latter. don't get me wrong... if i can have both, then by all means... :) but maybe i just got tired of waiting for the one i love that i'd now probably opt for the one who loves me ...